Frequently Asked Questions
Below are some of your more frequently asked questions*. If you have a question, please don't hesitate to contact us, or to post your question in our Aspie Friendly forum section.
As this FAQ page is updated, Q&As will be added to the top. To see older questions and answers, scroll down, using the scroll bar on the right.
Last updated: February 19th, 2012
As this FAQ page is updated, Q&As will be added to the top. To see older questions and answers, scroll down, using the scroll bar on the right.
Last updated: February 19th, 2012
Q: I am having a lot of problems with my local Social Security Administration Field Office! What can I do?
A: Join the club! Dealing with the SSA can be an excruciating part of living with a disability. The best way to protect yourself from the frustration of dealing with a federal or state agency, such as the SSA, is to be informed. The SSA has an online Programs Operations Manual, or POMS, which can be very useful in learning SSA policy and federal regulations. You can access the POMS here. Sometimes it can be helpful to contact your US and/or State Representative for your district, although a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, so just as an individual can experience discrimination from federal agencies, s/he can also experience discrimination from the U.S and State Representative office staff. To locate your representative, click here and enter your zip code. Remember that if you believe that conduct fits the definition of discrimination, or if the agency is not in compliance with ADA federal law, you can always file a complaint with the ADA. For more information about filing a complaint with the ADA, click here. To access a complaint form, provided by the ADA, click here.
Q: How do I manage conflict with a person I interact with, who is an adult on the autism spectrum?
A: The first thing to keep in mind is that people with autism are frequently misunderstood. What may appear to be one intent or perspective that s/he holds may in fact be something completely different. The best way to manage conflict is it minimize the conflict as quickly as possible. This does not mean to make light of the situation; it means to step in and do what is necessary to de-escalate the stress of the person with autism. It can be helpful to know the things that make him or her very upset. For instance, the individual may strongly dislike when others state what the individual is thinking, such as, "That's not what you meant!" or "You were trying to [whatever]!" When you know the key triggers, do what you can to avoid them. Keeping the peace is probably easier than you give him or her respect, and benefit of the doubt. It may be helpful to reference the Aspie Friendly Conflict Flowchart, which you can download for free, here.
Q: How do a find a good school in my area, for my autistic child?
A: While "private school" may sound like the best option for your autistic child, it isn't always the case. Private schools can offer more attention to your child, but they are generally not required to provide special education services, as public schools are. Public schools are required to provide a free and appropriate education for all children, including the gifted and children with special needs. That said, each child's needs are different. To locate a private school that will be a good option for your child, talk to other parents with autistic children in your area. A school's website may look great, but word of mouth is still the best way to get good information about the pros and cons of private schools. If you aren't involved with an active autism group, contact Easter Seals for referral information. Easter Seals is a good organization, that believes in the potential within people with autism.
Q: I am an emergency responder. How can I identify an autistic patient?
A: Knowing whether or not a person is on the autism spectrum is an important step to being able to effectively assist him or her. A number of parents use identifying decals when they have a non-verbal (or verbal) autistic child. If, upon arrival you don't see any decals, asking if the person has any disability you need to be aware of can open the door for being informed if s/he has autism. It may not always be practical to ask the patient, as s/he may be non-verbal or in a medical state which doesn't enable him or her to communicate well. Some visual indications you may notice are belongings which might seem out of place, or, to some, "odd". Wearing clothes or possessing belongings which seem "weird" (to you) may be an indication that the person may have some quirks not uncommon for people with autism. Sometimes you may have an individual who doesn't seem different from any other, but they may begin saying or doing something which gives you the idea that s/he may be on the spectrum. For instance, the individual is a patient who begins talking about different kinds of pigs. Communications which seem one-sided aren't unusual for a person on the spectrum who is experiencing elevated stress. Talking about a topic which they enjoy is a very common way people with autism find their center. If you suspect that a person may be on the spectrum, ask them a question related to the the topic. "I'm curious, do you know what kind of pig was in the movie Babe?" If the individual responds with enthusiasm, or seems very happy you asked them about their topic, it may be a good idea to ask them if they have any disabilities you need to be aware of. For law enforcement, it is important to remember that people with autism may appear "guilty" when judged by their mannerisms. Postpone any judgements about guilt until you have more information, as falsely accusing a person with autism can be traumatic experience for him or her, which can be difficult to recover from, emotionally.
Q: Do people with autism enjoy sexual encounters?
A: Sure! Although, due to sensory differences, certain elements related to sexual contact may be affected. Additionally, people with autism are at high risk for childhood sexual abuse. As a result, other issues not directly related to "their autism" may influence the person sexually or with regard to relationships.
A: Join the club! Dealing with the SSA can be an excruciating part of living with a disability. The best way to protect yourself from the frustration of dealing with a federal or state agency, such as the SSA, is to be informed. The SSA has an online Programs Operations Manual, or POMS, which can be very useful in learning SSA policy and federal regulations. You can access the POMS here. Sometimes it can be helpful to contact your US and/or State Representative for your district, although a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, so just as an individual can experience discrimination from federal agencies, s/he can also experience discrimination from the U.S and State Representative office staff. To locate your representative, click here and enter your zip code. Remember that if you believe that conduct fits the definition of discrimination, or if the agency is not in compliance with ADA federal law, you can always file a complaint with the ADA. For more information about filing a complaint with the ADA, click here. To access a complaint form, provided by the ADA, click here.
Q: How do I manage conflict with a person I interact with, who is an adult on the autism spectrum?
A: The first thing to keep in mind is that people with autism are frequently misunderstood. What may appear to be one intent or perspective that s/he holds may in fact be something completely different. The best way to manage conflict is it minimize the conflict as quickly as possible. This does not mean to make light of the situation; it means to step in and do what is necessary to de-escalate the stress of the person with autism. It can be helpful to know the things that make him or her very upset. For instance, the individual may strongly dislike when others state what the individual is thinking, such as, "That's not what you meant!" or "You were trying to [whatever]!" When you know the key triggers, do what you can to avoid them. Keeping the peace is probably easier than you give him or her respect, and benefit of the doubt. It may be helpful to reference the Aspie Friendly Conflict Flowchart, which you can download for free, here.
Q: How do a find a good school in my area, for my autistic child?
A: While "private school" may sound like the best option for your autistic child, it isn't always the case. Private schools can offer more attention to your child, but they are generally not required to provide special education services, as public schools are. Public schools are required to provide a free and appropriate education for all children, including the gifted and children with special needs. That said, each child's needs are different. To locate a private school that will be a good option for your child, talk to other parents with autistic children in your area. A school's website may look great, but word of mouth is still the best way to get good information about the pros and cons of private schools. If you aren't involved with an active autism group, contact Easter Seals for referral information. Easter Seals is a good organization, that believes in the potential within people with autism.
Q: I am an emergency responder. How can I identify an autistic patient?
A: Knowing whether or not a person is on the autism spectrum is an important step to being able to effectively assist him or her. A number of parents use identifying decals when they have a non-verbal (or verbal) autistic child. If, upon arrival you don't see any decals, asking if the person has any disability you need to be aware of can open the door for being informed if s/he has autism. It may not always be practical to ask the patient, as s/he may be non-verbal or in a medical state which doesn't enable him or her to communicate well. Some visual indications you may notice are belongings which might seem out of place, or, to some, "odd". Wearing clothes or possessing belongings which seem "weird" (to you) may be an indication that the person may have some quirks not uncommon for people with autism. Sometimes you may have an individual who doesn't seem different from any other, but they may begin saying or doing something which gives you the idea that s/he may be on the spectrum. For instance, the individual is a patient who begins talking about different kinds of pigs. Communications which seem one-sided aren't unusual for a person on the spectrum who is experiencing elevated stress. Talking about a topic which they enjoy is a very common way people with autism find their center. If you suspect that a person may be on the spectrum, ask them a question related to the the topic. "I'm curious, do you know what kind of pig was in the movie Babe?" If the individual responds with enthusiasm, or seems very happy you asked them about their topic, it may be a good idea to ask them if they have any disabilities you need to be aware of. For law enforcement, it is important to remember that people with autism may appear "guilty" when judged by their mannerisms. Postpone any judgements about guilt until you have more information, as falsely accusing a person with autism can be traumatic experience for him or her, which can be difficult to recover from, emotionally.
Q: Do people with autism enjoy sexual encounters?
A: Sure! Although, due to sensory differences, certain elements related to sexual contact may be affected. Additionally, people with autism are at high risk for childhood sexual abuse. As a result, other issues not directly related to "their autism" may influence the person sexually or with regard to relationships.
Q: How can I motivate a Spectrum Individual?
A: While you may wish to motivate at any age, for varying reasons, there are some things which are pretty consistent, regardless of age or situation. One thing to keep in mind is that the things which may motivate you probably don't motivate them. People enjoy being productive and helpful. If someone with autism isn't doing what you want them to, it is probably NOT out of sheer determination to defy you! In fact, they may not even realize what you want them to do. People with autism often aren't overly concerned with what other people think about them; their motivations are either much more practical, or driven by principles or high-level abstract concepts that are esoteric in nature. Like any kind of motivation, the key is to figure out what "trips their trigger", and help them achieve that by negotiating a deal. For example, a school ager who doesn't want to do his homework really just wants liberation from the task. Threatening to withhold a privilege isn't likely to exact the response you want. Make a deal that he can have free time that is in direct proportion to what he accomplishes. "If you take five bites, you can have a five minute break from the dinner table. Ten bites, and you can take a ten minute break." Kids and adults with autism don't respond well to threats, so motivation through threats of withholding something is likely to backfire.
Q: I heard that people with autism can't lie. Is that true?
A: Not really. The answer is yes and no. People with autism CAN lie, but typically we don't see the point in it. People like because they want to conceal something, so it stands to reason that the person has to know, or believe, that they are doing something wrong, in order to consider lying about it somehow. People with autism are generally forthcoming, good people with good intentions. Why would someone care to lie about something that they believe is the right thing to do? Well, of course, there are reasons, but we generally don't think of them in time to pull off a lie. When we do try to lie, it just doesn't "work right", so the cost of lying is typically greater than any perceived reward. Can we lie? Sure. Do we? Not if we can help it.
Q: How can I get around my autistic loved one's rigid thinking?
A: You can get around it by not thinking of it as rigid. Consider that just as you are trying to get him or her to change to your perspective, because you feel it is valid, your loved one also sees his or her perspective as valid. They both are valid, and, despite what you may believe, she or he is likely to know this, without being told. The best, and perhaps only, way to "get around" the rigid thinking is to interact with him or her in a way that is respectful of their opinion, and come up with a logic-based response. To persuade him or her to step beyond their thinking, give them a reason to.
Q: Can autism get worse with traumatic experiences?
A: Although autism is a spectrum disorder, there is no gray area as to whether or not someone has autism. It's like being pregnant: Either you are, or you aren't. But also like pregnancy, sometimes it's more obvious than other times. Stress creates anxiety, and when aspies are anxious, their traits, which can already seem "extreme" to others, become even more so. When aspies experience a traumatic event, the long-term consequences can be long-term.
A: While you may wish to motivate at any age, for varying reasons, there are some things which are pretty consistent, regardless of age or situation. One thing to keep in mind is that the things which may motivate you probably don't motivate them. People enjoy being productive and helpful. If someone with autism isn't doing what you want them to, it is probably NOT out of sheer determination to defy you! In fact, they may not even realize what you want them to do. People with autism often aren't overly concerned with what other people think about them; their motivations are either much more practical, or driven by principles or high-level abstract concepts that are esoteric in nature. Like any kind of motivation, the key is to figure out what "trips their trigger", and help them achieve that by negotiating a deal. For example, a school ager who doesn't want to do his homework really just wants liberation from the task. Threatening to withhold a privilege isn't likely to exact the response you want. Make a deal that he can have free time that is in direct proportion to what he accomplishes. "If you take five bites, you can have a five minute break from the dinner table. Ten bites, and you can take a ten minute break." Kids and adults with autism don't respond well to threats, so motivation through threats of withholding something is likely to backfire.
Q: I heard that people with autism can't lie. Is that true?
A: Not really. The answer is yes and no. People with autism CAN lie, but typically we don't see the point in it. People like because they want to conceal something, so it stands to reason that the person has to know, or believe, that they are doing something wrong, in order to consider lying about it somehow. People with autism are generally forthcoming, good people with good intentions. Why would someone care to lie about something that they believe is the right thing to do? Well, of course, there are reasons, but we generally don't think of them in time to pull off a lie. When we do try to lie, it just doesn't "work right", so the cost of lying is typically greater than any perceived reward. Can we lie? Sure. Do we? Not if we can help it.
Q: How can I get around my autistic loved one's rigid thinking?
A: You can get around it by not thinking of it as rigid. Consider that just as you are trying to get him or her to change to your perspective, because you feel it is valid, your loved one also sees his or her perspective as valid. They both are valid, and, despite what you may believe, she or he is likely to know this, without being told. The best, and perhaps only, way to "get around" the rigid thinking is to interact with him or her in a way that is respectful of their opinion, and come up with a logic-based response. To persuade him or her to step beyond their thinking, give them a reason to.
Q: Can autism get worse with traumatic experiences?
A: Although autism is a spectrum disorder, there is no gray area as to whether or not someone has autism. It's like being pregnant: Either you are, or you aren't. But also like pregnancy, sometimes it's more obvious than other times. Stress creates anxiety, and when aspies are anxious, their traits, which can already seem "extreme" to others, become even more so. When aspies experience a traumatic event, the long-term consequences can be long-term.
